Fly: A PORTAL Chronicles Novel (The PORTAL Chronicles) Page 14

  “Yeah, guys kind of suck in my book right now.”

  “Well, I don’t know about your dad or Hagen, but I do know about Everett. He really regrets how things went down between you two.”

  “Yeah?” I somehow wasn’t surprised to hear it. “Me too. But I don’t know how to fix it.”

  “Just talk to him. Things will naturally fix themselves. Put a little trust in him.”

  “Speaking of trust… why aren’t you letting Everett help you? Isn’t he a really good cook?” I asked, turning the tables on her.

  “Yes, Everett is quite the chef,” Mia admitted, turning to stir a red sauce bubbling in a pot. “He’s learned from his mom, Maddy, and even a family friend who owns a restaurant, allowing him to cook just about anything. It would be wise of me to take him up on his offer to help, but I’m not going to.”

  I rolled my eyes at her and laughed. “You are so stubborn.”

  “You’re one to talk.”

  “Your situation is different than mine. You’re craving food, yet you don’t know how to cook and have turned down Everett’s offer to help you make it. You’re probably going to ruin the food and waste all the ingredients. And for what? So you can be prideful and say you did it yourself?”

  Mia turned to me. “You’re desperate for relationship and true companionship, yet you rejected a guy who’s been to hell and back. You’re missing out on a relationship with one of the most eligible guys I’ve ever known, and — might I add — someone who genuinely cares about you. And for what? So you can be prideful and say you’re right about something that happened months ago?”

  “Ouch,” I mumbled. “Point taken.”

  “I’m sorry, Sophie.” Mia’s face softened. “That was harsh, but if I had a guy who cared for me like that—” She suddenly looked sad, but recovered just as quickly. “—I’d do anything not to lose him.”

  “You’re right. I’ve pretty much blown it.”

  “Well, the good news is that you have a second chance.”

  “And what about you? Are you going to let Everett help you?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because that would distract him from talking to you,” she said with a mischievous look.

  I laughed. “What are you making anyway?” I asked, peering into a pan.

  “Chicken Cacciatore,” she said exuberantly in a thick Italian accent. “Or at least trying to.”

  “Well, it definitely smells good,” I said, hoping to boost her confidence.

  “Thanks. Grab a soda from the fridge and have a seat.” It was a command more than an offer.

  She jogged my memory. “Speaking of seat… is there a tear in the seat of my pants?” I turned so Mia could see.

  “No. Why?” She laughed.

  “No reason. Thanks.”

  “Then go. No one is allowed in the kitchen when the chef is working on her masterpiece.” She winked at me. “Sodas are in the fridge.”

  I was surprised to find the refrigerator stocked with row upon row of grape sodas — the same ones that Everett so dearly loved. Grabbing one, I made my way into the living room.

  “I see your grape soda addiction has rubbed off on Mia,” I said, sitting next to Everett on the couch.

  “What can I say? The girl has good taste,” he said, nursing a soda of his own. “I made the mistake of letting her try one and now I think she’s more hooked than I am. Her father’s even looking into buying the winery that makes them.”

  “I forgot to tell you! He bought the company last week,” Mia hollered from the kitchen, apparently eavesdropping. “How else do you think I have so many in the fridge?”

  “Congrats! You gonna’ hook me up?” Everett called.

  “Maybe… if you’re nice to me. And Sophie.”

  Everett and I stared at each other uncomfortably. I’d forgotten how pretty his green eyes were. Actually I hadn’t, which I found disconcerting. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t look away. His eyes held me hostage, but not in the controlling way Hagen’s did. I held Everett’s gaze out of free will.

  “How have you been?” he asked, seeming genuinely interested.

  What was there to say? I was too polite to lie that I was having the time of my life with Hagen, while at the same time, too prideful to admit that things with Hagen weren’t exactly perfect — or were quite possibly over.

  I settled on, “I’ve been fine.”

  He must have seen the play of emotions on my face for he looked amused. I had probably given everything away by my expressions alone. If memory served me correctly, Everett could read me like a book. Sure enough, he asked, “Then why do I sense something’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, knowing it was pointless to deny it.

  I tried to put his all-knowing look out of my mind, instead focusing on shaking my hair from my towel and working through the tangles with my fingers.

  “How’s your knee?” he asked after some time.

  “My knee?” I repeated, confused.

  “Yeah, you sprained it, remember? Wiping out of the first day of school? Our little trip to the nurse’s office? I had to escort you back to your room.”

  I held my breath hoping he’d stop there. Not in the mood to discuss past sins just yet, I cut him off before he could continue. “That seems so long ago. Thanks to you, it’s much better.”

  “I didn’t do much.”

  “You totally saved the day.”

  “And then ruined it.”

  There he went. Ready or not, it was go time. “Seriously, Everett, I never thanked you for that day. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  “It was nothing. Really. I’d do it all again in a heart beat.” He must have seen the way my eyes narrowed at his comment, for he added, “The part where I ‘saved the day.’ Not the way it ended.” He sighed. “I wish I could redo that day. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it.”

  “Me too.”

  “I’m really sorry about how I treated you and the things I said. It wasn’t fair,” he said, looking me straight in the eyes.

  “Thanks. That means a lot, but I’m the one to blame. I never should have pushed you to talk. I’m totally ashamed of the things that came out of my mouth that day, especially bringing your brother into it. I’m sorry. That’s so not who I am.”

  “Sophie, I forgave you for that a long time ago.”

  “Well, then I accept your apology, too. I’m glad it’s settled,” I said, relieved.

  The look on his face told me he wasn’t gung ho quite yet. He pursed his lips in thought. “I want to be your friend, but my friendship comes with a catch.” I frowned at him. “True friends tell each other the truth, no matter what. If I think your relationship with Hagen — or anything that you do — is harmful, then I am going to tell you. But I promise to do something I didn’t before.”

  “What?”

  “I promise to respect however you choose to react to what I tell you — act on it, take it with a grain of salt, or whatever.”

  A sigh escaped my lips. We were so close yet so far away from where I wanted us to be. “But I don’t want your opinion about Hagen,” I whined, adding under my breath, “I already have enough questions about him as it is.”

  “You do?” Everett sounded shocked. “Like what?”

  I looked up to find him frowning at me. My better judgment told me not to discuss Hagen with him, but I truly trusted Everett’s judgment. I just hoped he wouldn’t use what I was about to tell him against me.

  Chapter 22

  False Hero

  “You’ve been right about everything,” I said, not believing the words coming from my mouth. “Hagen is a compulsive liar and I don’t care for any of the people we hang out with. They are phony and fake, and they don’t care about me — not truly, like you and Mia.”

  I expected Everett to be victorious that I’d admitted he was right, but instead, he looked worried. His concern gave me th
e bravery I needed, and my true feelings flooded out.

  “I don’t agree with a lot of things Hagen does. He gossips more than any girl I’ve met. He’s mean spirited, dishonest, and controlling. I don’t trust him at all, and… I have this weird feeling that he’s cheating on me.”

  “Whoa!” Everett’s shocked expression made it clear I was blowing his mind.

  “This past Wednesday, he came over to my dorm unannounced. We talked for a while, but then—” I didn’t know how to share this next part or if I even should.

  “What happened?”

  “We got in a fight. He got angry and left. The next morning, it was clear he’d been drinking the night before and he had scratches down his neck, like from nails.”

  “Did you confront him about it?”

  “Yes. He said it was nothing and said he spent the night in his dorm. But he lies about everything, so why should I believe him?”

  “Good question.”

  I shot Everett a look, though he had a point. “These past three months, I’ve been so miserable,” I mumbled, burying my face in a pillow.

  I felt Everett’s hand on my arm and desperately hoped he wasn’t about to say something sarcastic. “I’ve been miserable, too, Sophie. I’ve missed you.”

  I looked up at him, lightheaded. Was I imagining this? I’d forgotten how easy it was to talk to Everett. He got my complexities. He didn’t understand parts of me, but all of me — the surface as well as the dark, hidden parts.

  “Really?”

  He suddenly found his hands very interesting. “Of course. We were friends.”

  “Oh, of course,” I agreed, trying to hide my disappointment. Though, after the emotional famine I’d withstood, I wasn’t about to be choosy. I would willingly take what I could get. A good friend was a good friend. Period.

  “So, then what is up with you and Hagen? Are you still dating?”

  I shrugged. “We another little tiff tonight, so I don’t exactly know where we stand.”

  “Yeah. I saw,” he blurted.

  My eyes shot up. “What?”

  He looked bashful. “I drove into town to buy the groceries Mia needed to cook tonight. When I was carrying them in, I saw you two in his truck.”

  “And what? You just stood there and watched?”

  Everett shrugged. “I felt a little protective.”

  I didn’t know how to feel about this. “And what did you see?”

  “Everything.”

  “Everything?”

  “Everything,” he nodded.

  “You saw everything,” I repeated. Letting it sink in, I was astounded that I didn’t feel the slightest bit embarrassed but strangely relieved to share the experience with him. Maybe Everett could help make sense of things. I suddenly started laughing. The perplexed look on Everett’s face relayed his confusion, making me laugh even harder.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked, skeptically frowning but smiling.

  “Poor Hagen,” was all I could say, wiping tears from my eyes. “He tries so hard to kiss me, but nothing works. He must be so… discouraged.” I broke into another gale of laughter.

  “Hold up.” Everett’s eyes lit up. “You two haven’t kissed yet?”

  “Nope.”

  “And that’s funny because… ?”

  “He tried to make a move tonight and I kind of… freaked out.” Picturing what I must have looked like, I erupted into harder laughter.

  “Why won’t you kiss him, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  The question sobered me. “Since when do you care if I mind?”

  “True.”

  I thought about it a moment. “I can’t bring myself to kiss him. Something is missing with us.”

  “Do you mind elaborating?” Everett asked. He seemed to be enjoying this, but I didn’t care. I needed a sounding board.

  “I think it all goes back to Hagen’s Jekyll and Hyde complex. He’s totally two-faced and I don’t trust him. He makes fun of pretty much everyone behind their back, which leaves me asking if he genuinely likes anyone, including me. I don’t know. He’s never been mean to me, but the more I’m around him and see his bad side, the more I think it’s only a matter of time. I hate to say this, but I don’t think he’s a very good person.” Everett frowned. His arms were crossed and he seemed to be thinking. “So when it comes to kissing him, I think I don’t feel comfortable doing it because I don’t like him. I don’t like who he is. That sounds awful.”

  “And what about tonight?” Everett asked.

  “Tonight was crazy,” I began. “We were talking and then he got this look in his eye — the same look he gets every time he’s about to try. I looked into his eyes and a numb feeling washed over me and this thought dropped into my head. It told me to kiss him and get it over with. But this other voice was telling me not to. I fought over it in my head a bit before deciding to kiss him, but when he leaned in, everything sort of… changed.” I paused, not knowing how to explain it.

  “What changed?”

  “I dunno. It was like someone threw a switch in my head that hadn’t been on before. For the first time, I could think straight. I could step back and see the situation for what it really was. And in a split second, I decided I didn’t like Hagen and didn’t want to kiss him, and, when he was finally about to kiss me, I heard my own voice yell ‘stop!’ really loudly. I honestly thought I had audibly yelled at Hagen, but it was all in my head. If that wasn’t awkward enough, I then realized I was pressed against the passenger door. After that, I made an excuse and got out as quickly as I could.”

  Everett listened intently, a smile forming at the corners of his mouth.

  “So, what do you think, Doc? Am I clinically insane?” I asked.

  “I hardly think you’re insane, Sophie. Just conflicted.”

  “It doesn’t take a genius to tell that.”

  His face grew serious. “Sophie, you’re amazingly perceptive. I’m honestly surprised. You have excellent instincts.” He leaned forward. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “I hear voices too.”

  “You do!?!”

  “Well, in a way, but it’s more like intuition, Sophie. You somehow know things about people without knowing how you know.” He laughed. “Does that make sense?” I nodded. “You have all the answers, you just have to listen to the… voice in your head, as you called it… and trust what it tells you.”

  “You’re telling me to embrace the voice in my head?” I asked, surprised.

  “Absolutely. Has it not led you to truth concerning Hagen? You’ve realized he’s a master manipulator. He relies on his looks and charm and — whatever it is he does with his eyes — to get what he wants, but you’ve seen through the lies.”

  “Yeah, but what if he’s not bad at heart? Maybe he’s insecure and doesn’t trust people to let his guard down,” I reasoned, wanting to believe Hagen was good even though the evidence proved otherwise. I longed for validation that I hadn’t wasted three months of my life on him, that it wasn’t a mistake.

  “Sophie!” Everett sounded frustrated. “Listen to yourself. You should trust that he’s not good for you — as that is what you’ve been telling me — and move on.”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to leave him, though.”

  Everett shook his head, exasperated. “Hey, it’s your neck.” The way he said it, like it was life or death, sent chills down my spine. “And for the record, he’s not good enough for you.”

  “Not good enough?” I sputtered. “He’s the most popular guy at Brightman. Any girl at school would kill to date him, and yet, he chose me!”

  Everett looked disgusted. “You sound like a running advertisement for him. Did he tell you that?”

  I hoped my face wasn’t telling. “No!”

  “Fine. He chose you, but what do you want, Sophie?” Everett asked, raising his voice. “Honestly! It kills me to see you settling.”

  “I’m not settling. Hagen’s popular, ha
ndsome, and nice.”

  “You’re contradicting yourself,” Everett yelled. “Is Hagen who you want?”

  “I don’t know!” I screamed, on the verge of tears.

  Everett threw up his hands, clearly angry, causing something inside me to go off.

  “No!” I yelled. “You do not get to be mad at me and you do not get to judge me. Not this time.”

  “What?” Everett asked, eyes blazing.

  “I didn’t choose Hagen because I wanted to. You gave me an ultimatum that was a lose-lose situation for me: a choice between you, a harshly truthful guy who seemed bipolar and had a ton of baggage, or Hagen, who, at the time, seemed friendly, outgoing, and accepting. But still, I wanted to be with you, not Hagen. I said as much the day you made me choose.”

  I softened as memories returned to me, continuing more quietly, “I loved that day at the bookstore with you and Mia, and then orientation the next day. We were great together. We had so much fun and it was effortless. But it was just a facade — a carrot in front of my face. As soon as I bit — as soon as I chose you — you shut me down.” I began to cry, unable to stop the flow of emotion now. “So don’t you dare act like the hero now, asking me what I want, because you clearly didn’t care when it really counted.”

  Everett looked stunned. “Sophie. I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I know I pushed you into Hagen’s arms, but I never saw it quite like that.”

  “It’s fine,” I lied. “It was just really hard. I already felt rejected by my dad and then by you too… all in a matter of a few days.”

  Everett’s face fell. “Please don’t cry. I never meant to reject you. Like I said, if I could redo that day, I would in a heartbeat. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

  “Thank you,” I said, wiping my eyes. “But if we are going to be friends, I need you to understand. I had to survive at Brightman somehow and Hagen, despite his many flaws, provided me with an identity, security, and a place where I belonged. That counts for something. I’m torn on whether I’m done with him because there was a time when he was there for me when no one else was.”

  “You mean, when I wasn’t,” Everett read between the lines.